A story i wrote a while ago

Aznoutlaw · Yari Ashigaru Joined: Apr 13, 2005 Posts: 232

Hmm strange i posted this already but it dissapeared o.o. So im gonna repost it. I wrote this story a long time ago around the 5th grade, i found it recently and changed it a bit added and took out some things. I want to become a great writer so please crticise and give me some tips.

:WARNING: Its kinda long

http://xsorbit29.com/users5/generalforum/index.php?topic=68.0
(the story is a bit long for this forum so il just post a link to my forum where ive already posted it)

ShadowsRage is me

If you can rate it 1-10
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ShadowsRage - Special thanx to TeH for the awesome sig

dragonsRuS · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 11, 2005 Posts: 60

man i thought i'd be bored and not finish the story but i did and its great...dark as hell tho and the background makes it even darker...i'd give it a 9.5 but only cuz i dont get y he has his dreams
u say u wrote this is fifth grade? thats amazing

Aznoutlaw · Yari Ashigaru Joined: Apr 13, 2005 Posts: 232

Ya the setting is a bit morbid thats why i created the alternate ending to it. Razz

ive been waiting for someone to comment lols was wondering if it was any good or not. But yea its really not done yet thats basically ist the main plot mixed in with some detail thats why it seems a bit dark. I will add more later.

artemis219 · Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:19 pm Post subject:

man i liked it i don't care what the other guys says i give it a 10.1

subzero · Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 9:28 am Post subject:

Aznoutlaw · Yari Ashigaru Joined: Apr 13, 2005 Posts: 232

Yes the sad ending changes the perspective to Yuki. The main character is Danny Ninh (i used my name Razz

) but yes your right. I do have other writing and im working on another story now Smile

.

Raiviin · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: May 17, 2005 Posts: 55

babuxlinda · Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 2:13 pm Post subject:

wow wow wow wow wow Shocked

that is awesome story u got there
cant believe u wrote it in 5th grade
way cool Cool

lol

Aznoutlaw · Yari Ashigaru Joined: Apr 13, 2005 Posts: 232

Yup hehe i wrote it in 5th grade. Im not currently working on that story anymore though. Right now im working on a story called "The Twilight SKy" hehe maybe il post a little preview later
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ShadowsRage - Special thanx to TeH for the awesome sig

doujo · Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:05 pm Post subject:

this is great ^^ I like this story. I give you a 9.9457! ^^ Hope to read the ending soon! =) ^_~

Aznoutlaw · Yari Ashigaru Joined: Apr 13, 2005 Posts: 232

lol well today i made a bet with my teacher that i could write a novel length story by June (around 200 pages or more 200 being the minimum). So im working on The Twilight Sky, so far i have 23 pages that ive written in about 5-7 days so i hope i can reach 200 or more by June wish me luck!
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ShadowsRage - Special thanx to TeH for the awesome sig