Long_gun's Fanfiction (help me find a name for it!)

[Long_Gun]

Please note that before you read this, this story contains Mild Language
(Cussing) and Gore

THIS POST FOR MOST RECENT UPDATES AND INFO!!!!!

*ahem*
Chapter 1's Progress: DONE! (ask me for copy)
Chapter 2's Progress: DONE! (ask me for copy)
Chapter 3's Progress: DONE! (ask me for copy)
Chapter 4's Progress: DONE! (ask me for copy)
Chapter 5's Progress: DONE! (ask me for copy)
Chapter 6's Progress: 65% done
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The Characters

Long Gun: referred to as LG and Long. Male
Description: 6�1, sliver straight hair about halfway down his back, rough facial features with solid white eyes. Wears a plain white shirt under a black vest (unzipped of course). Matching black gloves on his hands, black loose fitting jeans, with an interesting belt (looks like a headband, had what looked like a leaf in the center of a sliver plate, on blue cloth) and black shoes, appeared to be about 18.
Anime character that most looks like this person: N/A
Persona: ummm...me?

WarLockLord: referred to as Warlock or just War. M
Description: a burn over his left eye, almost no hair expect the black ponytail near the rear of his head, about 5�8, wears battle armor with a red trim, black combat boots. He also has two scimitars on his back. Age…about 19.
Anime character that most looks like this person: Zuko from Avatar: the last air bender
Persona: Undefind

Kimmie-Chan: Kimmie, F
Description: a teenage girl (about 16, 5�6) with an interesting teddy bear. Her blue hair is in a ponytail, down to about her waist, and was wearing a high school uniform.
AC: N/A
Persona: Undefind

Bowser: Bowser, M
Description: Wears full body armor with a skull helm, it had a white ponytail on the back of it, and two giant cleavers on his back. Age Unknown, he is 6�0.
AC: Barry the Chopper from Full Metal Alchemist
Persona: Only cares about one thing: Fleash between his blades

V-Boi2002: V-Boi. M
Description: has vivid green hair down to his shoulders, shades, about 6�2, 17, wearing a black shirt under a black trench coat, with black leather pants. He carries guns.
AC: N/A
Persona: Unstable/ Prone to violence/ Greaser

Raiden: Raiden. M
Description: 6�2, spiky jet-black hair. Full-length black jeans and a tight muscle shirt, trench coat, black gloves and a pair of shades.
AC: Loz from Final Fantasy Advent Children
Persona: Undefind

Cherry-Kun: Cherry. M
Description: 6�0 has brown hair down to his shoulders, black shirt with blue jeans
AC: N/A
Persona: Undefind

TrueLine: True. F
Description: 5�8, wearing what looks like a military scientist uniform, got a vest on and a skirt, both are tan-ish with blue lines. Same goes for her boots, age at 20-22.
AC: Shion from Xenosega with Sakura’s Clow Cards
Persona: Undefind

Last time

True: no but’s, now, let me go, I’ll be fine I promise.
Kimmie: … all right, but if you die, ill never forgive you.
True: ha ha, you just love to make my work hard don’t you?
True takes off, Kimmie a watches for a few seconds, then continues heading for Mehanai’s tower.

And now the continuation.

Raiden/LG/V-Boi

Raiden invokes a bit of magic and changes the surrounding area to that of a Church, It has a large glass window above the altar, and several rows of benches in neat rows in front of it. The Benches are rotting and covered in blood. Where the altar should be, there is a hole in the floor and yellow daisies are growing there. The stone columns are extremely weak, and covered in blood as well.
Raiden: I welcome you, to your graveyard.
LG: The place I would least like to die?
Raiden: You like?
Raiden’s hands glow and suddenly some metallic objects appear. He then activates them; both of them sprout two metal claws. LG shows mild interest, V-Boi doesn’t even blink.
V-Boi: Nice butter knifes.
Raiden: you just keep thinking that.
Raiden charges at LG, V-Boi starts backing up while shooting at him, Raiden blocks V-Boi’s bullets and gets to LG, Who then throws a punch at his face only to miss it while Raiden ducks, he then lunges the claws in his right hand into LG’s stomach, following his momentum, Raiden then rushes toward V-Boi, while forcing LG through several benches. V-Boi continues to back up and aims several more shots at Raiden’s head, while changing his other gun into a gun blade. Raiden blocks the shots with his free hand, stops, and uses all of his strength to throw LG at V-Boi. V-Boi side steps, and LG slams into a stone pillar behind him, with enough force to embed him slightly into the wall. V-Boi either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care, as he begins to charge at Raiden. Raiden smirks and dodges V-Boi, by simply jumping over him, he lands near LG, and turns around.
Raiden: You are no use to us V-Boi, if we meet again, I will kill you.
Raiden reaches down, grabs LG by the scuff of his neck collar, slings him over his shoulder, then jumps through a hole in the roof, and gets away. V-Boi simply stares at the area LG once was, and then brings his sword down hard on the nearest bench, cutting it in two and piercing the stone floor. He then turns around, falls on a bench next to him, pulls out a cigarette and smokes, only to stop a few seconds later as the spell wears off, and he falls flat on his butt. He sits there for a bit, and then stands up slowly.
V-Boi: DAMN IT!

Cherry/War/Bowser

Cherry uses his advantage to nail War in the face with a right hook, sending him flying away, to land in the ground next to Bowser. Bowser looks down at War.
Bowser: Can I kill him now?
War groans, and slowly gets up.
War: Just do it already, You don’t have to ask me.
Bowser: Gladly.
Bowser charges at cherry, and makes a horizontal slice across Cherry’s neck, only to miss as Cherry catches the blade between two fingers. Cherry chuckles.
Cherry: You have to do better then that, if you wish to kill me…
War leaps suddenly from behind Bowser, both fists aflame.
War: Will this work?
Cherry pushes Bowser into Wars path, War tries to avoid Bowser by leaning forward while falling, Bowser misses him, and War is now watching the ground rush up to greet his face. Cherry is still chuckling.
Cherry: Nope, not even that wil…
Cherry is cut short, when War uses his fire bending skills to shoot flames out of his palms, hitting the ground with twin fire pillars, and forcing himself to spin like a top at dizzying speeds, to attack Cherry with outstretched legs. Cherry defends himself with both his arms, but is sent back from the force of War’s attack, before he can even recover from the blow, Bowser is upon him swinging madly, and with enough force to cut through several of the trees that dare to block his mighty blades path. Cherry dodges most of them, but gets cut in several places. Meanwhile War is picking himself up, and then proceeds to join Bowser in his fury of attacks. Cherry, who has other ideas, takes off, leaving both of them to crash into each other.
War: Where in hell is he going?
Bowser: I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?
War stares at him blankly for a few minutes, and then shrugs.

True/Ultima



Kimmie



LG/Raiden

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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Mehanai]

Hmm....t'was a nice read. I normally don't like reading script like stories...but this was fairly entertaining. ^_^
It was interesting getting to see some of the people I know from A-S behaving in ways that I would never have thought them to act like. Well, Bowser's character was understandable....V-boi, I don't know, never really pictured him as the gun type, Lol.

I also like the little references towards various animes (the dragon slave spell from Slayers, very nice).

Overall, I really enjoyed it, nice job Long_Gun. Hope you get the sequal out soon.

[Long_Gun]

i will, but i need some new people. now to v-boi, he "ASKED" me to make him that way...(hair was my idea ) lets see there it is

[Cherry-Kun]

as i told ya before it is a very interesting story, i actually saw it all as a movie while i was reading it
i even liked my evil character, but its life was too short TT_TT, just kiding



*rises hand*

i want to be at the sequal!!!!

im Cherry, i like swords and my fav character is Zero from Rockman Zero

yoroshiku onegai shimasu!!!!!
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[Long_Gun]

cherry u and raiden make another appearance, u both barely lived but ur still alive
but yeah, before i even jolted one word of this sotry on paper, thats what i did, i thought of it as an anime, and i described everything i was *seeing* but there are some things words cant express....

anyway, yes i am accepting applactions for anyone who whould like to be in it.
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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Cherry-Kun]

why do you want to kill me

keep running your imagination dude.

*thums up*
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[Long_Gun]

no i just thought it was kinda unfair

so HEs ALIVE!!! HE ALIVE!!! MUHA HA HA HA!!! *evil doctor* thanks, i will, there is no shortage in that department lol
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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Kimmie-chan]

Haha I kicked your ass good Cherry-kun

LG--> I came by as promised It's good, I enjoyed reading it, lol come on I kick ass Although sometimes in the fighting scenes, it gets me a little confused.
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Get ready to vote for who you think is the Sexiest Anime Character!!

[spankit]

wow raiden's a girl! hahahahaha.

o___O im impressed man, just pulling out
22 pages out of nowhere. and the nutty thing is you
stuck with the idea and it was a fluid idea.

PROPS~
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"The basis of optimism is sheer terror."
(,,#ﾟДﾟ):∴;'･,;`:ｺﾞﾙｧ!!

[Long_Gun]

kimmie>> lol, yeah a few people told me that and i really tried to clean it up, but its kinda hard to put into words what i visulize in my mind...like a mini-anime lol.

Spankit>>yeah, mostly my idea, (dont think he liked it much, but i convinced him i guess) cuzz the story felt too male dominate to me, so i figureed id change someone into a girl.

Edit>> (Oct 25, 06) cuz no one new has vollenteered to be in my next chapter, i have picked some at random, (that i know of) and a pm is sent to them, if u do not wish to be in the story, say so here, for i am tired of waiting and wish to continue...

edit>> (oct 30, 06) read first post......its in huge font....cant miss it can u?
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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Froste]

yo long gun, just finished reading your story

first of all; well done xD it's a pretty good read... you've been writing alot before?
a few things that occured to me:
- you describe the characters and spells pretty well, but... i'm sorta missing the scene descriptions xD it'd be nice if you could paint a clearer image of the place where it's all happening, yea?
- the characters are all fun, and with a bit of attitude which is cool. i love irony, hahaha it'd be even better if you could... uhm... sort of develop the different characters'... character... some more xD i don't know if that made alot of sense, lol. but, like, try to pronounce their special characteristics and traits more. say, v-boi seems like the serious type of guy, with a small bit of "get out of my face or i'll stab you in yours" vibe if you can find a way to really emphasize that, it'd be great (i know it's difficult, but... ;^_^)

well, that was the two major things... if you feel inclined, you're welcome to use me / my name in the continuation of the story

looking forward to reading more of your stuff ^_^

[Long_Gun]

thank you froste for the review, and i will work on several of the items u have meationed, chapter 4 is 35% done, andf i will use ur suggestions in it....seeing as if i cahgne the ones ive allready posted, i whould have ot ask everyone to reread it.....and thats no fun
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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Xristyan]

finally got to read through it.. that took a lot of my time.. ahhaha...

as froste would mention a little character development is in order... right now.. i see them as like the same character with different names... a little work on differentiating each and making them their own unique selves... you know a little quirks here and there.. the way they talk... the reactions they give when faced with situations..

that is fairly easy to do than my 12 characters in my story... T__T

anyways.. keep it up.. im liking the story... very easily put as a movie or series thing.. very shounen-ish..

a little depth wouldn't hurt either... you know.. add some romanticism in it.. i don't mean lovey dovey.. but more emotion based stuff..

you got something good here... keep the fire burning..
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[Long_Gun]

what the?? romance-ish? i cant do that, first of all, if i tryed it probley come out to something like itachi-kuns ASource Dream Cuple!

yeah, im trying to get each of the character's more development, but sheesh, i htink i hard enough.,..i mena...v-boi is a badass, war's overprotective, kimmie....well....shes kimmie, lol, im me, raiden...well....hes allready trying ot kil lme so i might haveta change his gender soon, least i suffer his wrath. cherry is so random, i really cant decide how to inculde it.
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Who said the dead wouldnt rise again?!?

I'LL BE BACK~

[Xristyan]

LG>> hahaha i did not say romance... i said romanticism.. you don't have to make them into couples or anything.. just give it the emotional depth... so people can empathize for the characters..
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