Anyone got any good jokes?

Keitarou · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:14 pm Post subject:

A man comes home from work to find his girlfriend packing her bags. A little shocked, the man exclaims quickly, "What's going on? What are you doing?"... The woman, angry as can be yells back at the man, "I'm leaving you! I just found out that you're a pedophile!"

The man pauses a moment and then replies rather snobbishly, "Well that's an oftly big word for an eleven year old."

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Follow up pedophile joke:

A night-stalking pedophile has managed to lure a little girl into following him. As they near the edge of the woods, the girl quickly stops, scared of what's before her. The man reassures her, "C'mon... it's bright and happy and there's a circus with clowns in there. You can have cotton candy and all of the most delicious foods in the world!" The young girl shakes her head from side to side, vigorously, "Nuh uh! It's dark and scary and there are bears and snakes... and, and, there's the boogyman and monsters!" The man snaps at the girl rapidly "Hey! You're not the one that has to come back alone!"
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You can't hold no groove if you ain't got no pocket.

ephbuck · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:23 pm Post subject:

nice

my random joke...

How to Catch an Elephant

As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant:
First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant.
Fill the hole with ashes.
Line the hole with peas.
And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

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and a blonde joke....

[b]The Blonde and the Deodorant [\b]

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. ''I'm sorry,'' says the pharmacist, ''we don't have any.''
''But I always get it here,'' says the blonde.

''Do you have the container it comes in?''

''Yes!'' says the blonde, ''I will go and get it.''

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, ''This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.''

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: ''To apply, push up bottom.''

that should be enough for today..

ephbuck · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:27 pm Post subject:

couldnt help it.... one more..

[b]Powder[\b]

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, ''Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?''
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. ''Where the hell have you been?!?!'' she screaches.

''Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.''

''Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!''

She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, ''You liar! You went bowling again!''

Himitsu · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 2:48 pm Post subject:

Kaiser · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 2:54 pm Post subject:

There are 3 letters in the word 'ten'.

DrJackal · Jikan Samurai Joined: Mar 14, 2004 Posts: 979

12+6+6+3 = 27 10*2 = 20
27 - 20 = 10-7 = 3
Hmm Polyguru is this a maths question? gonna have to use algebra is it is lol. I think that's a logical answer to this question or a pointless answer. Rolling Eyes

[/list]

DrJackal · Jikan Samurai Joined: Mar 14, 2004 Posts: 979

LoneWolf325 · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 3:34 pm Post subject:

wait... Keitarou, those jokes didn't have anything to do with feet.

Jsy3k · Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:26 pm Post subject:

DrJackal · Jikan Samurai Joined: Mar 14, 2004 Posts: 979

Evil prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the
wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill
today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they
may be connected to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people
are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

ephbuck · Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:23 am Post subject:

wow.. i dont even have to prey for

Jsy3k · Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:36 pm Post subject:

A little child looks at her mother's hair and notices some white hair.

Child: Mom, why do you have a lot of white hair?
Mom: Every white hair that comes out means you have made me angry once.
Child: Oh, I see. Now I know the reason why ALL of grandmother's hair is white.
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Innocent Tranquility

The Smile that defies all thoughts of rationality[/

celas · Conscript Joined: Nov 13, 2004 Posts: 179 Location: AZIA

answer this.....

Why did the chicken cross the road!
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In the name of GOD, Impure souls of the living dead, shall be brought into eternal damnation.....AMEN!

ephbuck · Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:24 am Post subject:

uumm.. donno...why?