Anyone got any good jokes?

IHateLois · Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:14 pm Post subject:

OOhhh man this is even sexist for my standered................... jus joking:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
nothing you havent told her twice already.
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Dhuran · Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:19 pm Post subject:

I know everything
John's classmate tell him adults must have at least one secret, they can be blackmailed by saying "I know everything..." So John wants to try this at home. He meets his mother then says, "I know everything". His mother surprised then give him $20 while saying "Don't tell your father" John surprised too, then he wait his father to come home. When he does, John greet him "I know everything" His father shocked then he give John $50 while saying, "Don't tell your mother". John smiled,” This is working better". Tomorrow morning, when John is about going to school, he meets his dad's chauffeur. He thinks, "How much I can get from this man?" then he says, "I know everything". The chauffeur smiled then he say "Come here, son. Hug your real daddy"

It's pretty dark in here, isn't?
A wife is having an affair and she hides her son in the closet. Just after they had sex, her husband coming home so she hid the man in the closet with her son. In the closet, the boy says “It’s pretty dark in here, isn’t it?” The man said, “What do you want?” The boy replied “$20 is fine” The man didn’t want to get caught so he agree “OK, it’s a deal” Three days later, the same thing happen, the boy said “It’s pretty dark in here, isn’t it?” Then the man gives him another $20. Sunday, the family is going to church, they decided to enter the confession room. This is also the first time for the boy to confess so he’s a little bit afraid. The priest said “I’m listening, son” The boy said “It’s pretty dark in here, isn’t it?” The priest angrily said, “Shut up, brat. I don’t have $20 right now”

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ladyarakune · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:09 pm Post subject:

Haighs · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:43 pm Post subject:

BurstAngelX13A · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:49 pm Post subject:

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?"

Has that been said already (I'm sure it was, but did it for the heck of it...)??
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IHateLois · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:09 pm Post subject:

^ i don't think so

here is a drunken joke:

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the runk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"
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ladyarakune · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:14 pm Post subject:

hehe, cop jokes rule!
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BurstAngelX13A · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:18 pm Post subject:

Oh he was a cop I get it now.....shutup.....
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IHateLois · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:14 pm Post subject:

here is another female joke 4 yall:
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it.
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BurstAngelX13A · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject:

IHateLois · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:37 pm Post subject:

light bulb jokes r great
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BurstAngelX13A · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:41 pm Post subject:

ladyarakune · Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:58 pm Post subject:

everytime some one tells a lightbulb joke, im distracted as soon as they say "screw" it takes me a second to regain my focus....
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xopa · Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 7:43 pm Post subject:

THE VALUE OF TEN DOLLARS

The Value Of Ten Dollars

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
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