Anyone got any good jokes?

ladyarakune · Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:04 pm Post subject:

omigosh, lol, i wasnt expecting that.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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pyrorecca · Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 12:52 am Post subject:

Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.

The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!”

The second one replied, I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
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ladyarakune · Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:54 am Post subject:

rofl omigod.

what doo you call a fish without any eyes?

fsh
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pyrorecca · Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 4:23 am Post subject:

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
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SFX · Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:29 am Post subject:

lol! thats a good joke! im gonna sharew wif my frnez

Jinyao · newbie! Joined: Aug 11, 2005 Posts: 28

Q: What makes a happy man?
A: Daughter on the cover of Vogue; Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated; Mistress on the cover of Playboy; and Wife on the cover of Missing Persons.

Jinyao · newbie! Joined: Aug 11, 2005 Posts: 28

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A: Both go backward...forward...backward...forward...backward....forward... stop and eject.

rag_gurl · Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 12:44 pm Post subject:

there were these 4 nuns who died and went to heaven. when they reached to the gates of heaven they were asked if they had any sins to be cleanse off into the holy water. the first nun went and said "i have touched a man's penis with this one finger" so she cleanse that one finger. the second nun came and said "i have touched a man's penis with my whole hand" so she washed her whole hand. the third nun was about to go when the fourth nun pushed her aside and said "can i gurgle my mouth with the holy water before she washes her as*hole with with it?"

quosimos · Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:16 am Post subject:

sayoku · Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:28 am Post subject:

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!

im grossly disturbed...but i cant stop reading them....
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quosimos · Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:37 am Post subject:

my friend is into metal and tells me that the joke threads on metal forums are very wrong. baby joke - guilty pleasure

pyrorecca · Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:50 am Post subject:

MMmm.....

Blended babies & Tortilla chips!!

Too fattening though
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joiner · Conscript Joined: Oct 19, 2005 Posts: 104

its disgraceful we havent had any jokes here for a while, so ive decided to post one:
during the coffee break at a hospital, 4 surgeons were chatting about patients.
the first said:i think accountants are the easiest to work on, you open them up and everything is numbered
the second:no, for me it's librarions, open them up and everything is alphabetised
the third:my favourites electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded
the forth(punchline comin up): youre all wrong, the easiest by far to operate on is lawyers. theyre spineless, gutless, heartless, and their heads and their arses are interchangeable.

not that good, but i hope more people will post jokes here.

pyrorecca · Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2005 3:04 pm Post subject:

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, not really I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and have a movement every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."
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pyrorecca · Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:25 am Post subject:

Huh?
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