Why can't she love? My story

[copywheeluser]

Hey what's up? Always a good ice breaker

I graduated college a short while ago, and there's this girl I love. I've loved her since highschool. She's perfect in almost everyway, yes you know the story. Beautiful, funny, and all that. Yeah, incase you haven't noticed, I'm in the friend zone, the best friend zone. The kind of best friend relationship where either of us could talk about anything And, I unfortunetly fell in love with my best friend. But my story is a little more complicated than that.

You see, she's umm... I told her that I liked her once, in highschool, and she misunderstood. A while later, I let it slip out that I love her, and I'm not sure how she did this, but she changed the subject rather quickly- in such a way that I didn't even realize at the time. I got the message, she wanted to remain just friends. So okay. She wasn't ready for a boyfriend. But it made me rather sad that I worked up a lot of nerve to tell her that I loved her, and I must admit I was dissapointed in how she reacted. I thought she was better than that, I thought I atleast deserved be turned down to my face, but I was grateful she didn't want to put an uncomfortable strain on us.

Years passed, rather quickly, and I found that my feelings for her hadn't changed. We were now both in college, in living 3 rooms apart, and with the support of my friends, worked up the nerve to ask her out. Yes I've never been on a date before, don't rub it in my face. And I suppose the mistake in asking her out, was the way I worded the question. So she said "yes, I'd love too" rather surprised meaning I finally thought I succeeded. She understood my intention and said yes, so yeah I was happy. We went to see 300, and then we stopped by her favorite icecream... store/parlor, whatever you call those things. And we had an interesting talk about Spartans, condoms, 3 days grace, Costco, back to condoms, and then those funny looking masks that cars have. And I was walking her back to her apartment and I thought it had been a success for a date. When I walked her back to her room, she said "I had fun tonight, we should do this more often" We should do this more often? I was shattered. Then a week went by, she usually bothers me to death with countless voice messages on purpose. And she comes over to visit frequently too. Then another week went by, she says she's been really busy. Then another week and somehow, somehow, she manages to make everything go back to the way before.

We're both 22, graduated from college, and both virgins. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but compared to all of her other friends, I am the only one that has a chance of being her boyfriend. If you were to put all of her friends together, they could be seen from space. She brings me to parties with her all the time, and we watch porn together, yeah that was awkward how that started, but we watch it for laughs, and play the "can you do that?" game, she has 62 points, I have 19 points (it's not really a fair game if you think about it). We used to do eachother's homework all the time. I'd do her math homework, she'd write my essays. I even got in a fight to protect her once, okay, not really protect her, but defending her honor. She pretends to be mad but she can't help smiling. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I'm good looking methinks and I really don't understand why she can't love me, or anyone for that matter. Guys hit on her all the time, very rarely someone asks her out and she turns him down. Instead of feeling glad or relieved, I'm jealous, jealous that he was turned down by her, that she even paid him enough mind to turn him down. I've given her Valentines presents before, like every other guy friend she has, and she gives me that loving smile with a "thank you", the smile I'm beginning to hate, because she's never given me anything in return, or for White day.

She's happy with her life, she's got countless friends, the career she's always wanted, and probably the biggest, ugliest vibrator imaginable that could out preform any human every level and I there's nothing else she wants. She doesn't need sex, she doesn't need love, and she doesn't need me. And as you can tell, I am depressed and I don't know what to do or feel. So if anybody read this and knows what I should do or how I should feel, please tell me.

I suppose I should have saved my ice breaker for the end of the story. Okay then, Hey what's up?

[spankit]

man i'm sorry but im still re-reading the biggest ugliest vibrator
at the bottom... anyways.

i think you're just stuck in the best friend realm.

i mean she changes topics and such when you bring up your
love for her. sure she went out with you but i think that was more
to keep you as a friend, as horrible as that sounds. she brings
you around and such probably because she knows you'll always be
there for her. its like... a safety. that no matter what happens she
knows you're there, and that you'll probably still be loving her.

from my perspective, she probably didn't straight out reject you
because as bad as it sounds, it feels good to have someone wanting
you. i mean automatically you just feel good.

maybe you should re-think the relationship with you and try and
create some distance? if she's super caring she'll probably ask you
what's wrong and you should just be upright about how you're
kinda fed up with her always being so inconclusive about her actions.


anywhoo. that's all i can think of atm. so welcome to a-s and erm
go visit the LTE.(longest thread ever)
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[Ani_MaSTeR]

hey man,
i read all of it (which is rare for me)
anyways, sounds like she adores u more like an older brother than a friend or a boyfriend.

u guys have been together for so long, done so much together ur relationship is higher than friends, but just short of lovers.
she does love u, but maybe shes like the few of us that would rather friends instead of lovers.
that being, she wants to give it a shot, but, is afraid that if everything doesnt work out, that the two of u cant even be friends anymore.
the way that most of us deal with it is that we try to become really close but not too close as to invite those feelings of love.

best u can do is keep doing what ur doing.
be urself, be kind to her, be sweet to her, just everything you've already been doing. and hopefully one day she will realise that you are the one for her.

it doesnt hurt to call her a few times or be a little annoying; just a very little. knock on her door a few times a week, call her every second day. tell her "hey its me, i found a cool new place that sells (whatever she likes) we should check it out sometime".
that way in her mind shed know that u cared enough and took the time to look and find this place for her.

thats the best i can think of.
i have one more suggestion, this is what i was gonna do actually.

join the army.
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[du5k]

Isn't this a intro thread?

Feels like she's running away... tell her Kinishinaite! (spell wrong)

Anyway, if I would you I'll try to engage her in a romantic situation and see how she feels...you're tired i guess, if she still runs I think you should try to end it...

[Xristyan]

interesting...

especially the vibrator part... LOL

anyways... sounds very familiar...

and i would suggest the same thing as ani suggested... just keep at it... and even bordering on the annoying part...

who knows what she is thinking of you... wether she is afraid if the relationship doesn't work out or she really does only sees you as a friend and nothing more than that will be left for you to find out in the future, how that will come about is up to you...

but as i see now and with all the other similar stories i have come across with, you are basically stuck at the friends part... and what is left is to decisively conclude that assumption... how that is done is left up to you as well...
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[Ferretmage]

I'm a little confused here...

[sayoku]

he meant overwhelmed by joy.

i dont think i have advices to give, but if i were you i would wish for a bit of momentum for being stuck in this sort of situation. from what i have read, she seems to be an independent person who makes her own decision, you can either confront her openly or continue this agonizing and lengthy uncertainty, hopefully the outcome of whatever decision you made is the one less regrettable.
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[Harutard]

hmmm...

now you should think about what you really want...
if your prepared to be turned down (well i get the feeling you are...since you are jealouse of the other who got rejected properly)
just say again that you love her...but maybe you can go on a date first and tell her after you walked her home...that way there is the right atmosphere for some "feelings" if she is interested
if she turns you down...you should be sad (of course) but not too sad..'cause it you act totally broken she thinks that she has done something very terrible and maybe she tries to avoid you...but if you are not sad enough she will think that you didn't really mean it (well...it sound like acting...i know that but...psychological matters are complicated and at least you don't want to loose the relationship you have right?)

the other thing is...waiting...and look if there develope feelings on her side...but there is ever the posiblity that some new guy comes and gets together with her...and that hurts...other things can happen too...

i personally am a coward so i mostly go with the second scenario...but i myself think that the first one is the better choice...

now what do you want?
do you want to make things clear?....and even if you are drejected there is a posibility that later is a change of heart...

or do you want to wait and cling to hope that everything turns out good for you...
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[Zierlyn]

From an older guy's perspective (okay I'm 25, so I'm not THAT much older, but it's still a perspective that's not clouded by any remnants of Puberty left over.)

You have to ask yourself what it is you really want.

A physical relationship? I get the impression from your writing that you're above that and a better person than that. If anything, it sounds like your wish is simply that she feel the same way as you, or that she understand how you feel.

But you know what? Take a step back and read everything you've written here. You've already got a relationship with her that is closer than a lot of MARRIED COUPLES. In her eyes you're already important and precious. Dating? Girlfriend and boyfriend? What do those mean anyway? They're just names, titles, categories. Break your mind away from teenage love fantasies, storybook romances, high-school anime confessions. Things like those are stories because they don't happen that way in real life.

Clear your head of all the anxiety of "confessing" or "becoming a couple". You've let her know how you feel once before, don't push the subject again or stress yourself out until you start acting like someone other than yourself. Go watch more movies. Spend more days together. Most importantly remember that she already counts you as an important person in her life. Why all the worry and stress? No one has any right to force themselves to be the most important person in someone else's life, that happens naturally on its own. Just drop by one day and say "Have you eaten yet? I feel like going out someplace." You've probably even done that before.

Like I said, you're already operating on a higher level than a lot of "couples" out there unless what you're really interested in is her body. Why stress yourself out about some title?

Hope that helps give a little different perspective for you.

[copywheeluser]

[spankit]

well if you know she doesn't feel the same and you know
forcing her would do you know good then it seems to me
you've made up your mind already.

your best bet is obviously to move on. and hope that like you
one day she'll look back and be like "what if that was me?"
_________________
"The basis of optimism is sheer terror."
(,,#ﾟДﾟ):∴;'･,;`:ｺﾞﾙｧ!!

[Zierlyn]

So... You want an answer. You want to stop existing in this emotional limbo nightmare not knowing what she thinks, if you should give up, if it's worth risking a great friendship for, if moving on is what's best for both of you, if you have a chance... You want to finally put an end to all the sleepless nights, but there's just too damn much at stake.

Does that about sum it up then?

I'm going to say something that I hate myself for saying, because I know if I were in your position I would ignore whoever said it to me and think of him as an idiot that couldn't possibly understand what it's like to be going through it all. But you'll get over it. I don't think you should get over it, I think you should do whatever is in your power to win her heart because after all this time you just friggin' deserve it... But you will get over it. It's the way human minds are built. If you give up, move on, and try to find someone else to devote your heart to, it'll happen in time.

I know it feels wrong, and I feel wrong for saying it, but it's the truth.

Just preserve the friendship man. Be her friend, get closer to her as a friend, and if someone else comes along don't let this gal hold you back. Cherish the friendship you have. Something like that is not worth jeopardizing.

[genryou]

Just decide...

either play along with the ignorance situation so you can preserve your friendship

or

being sincere and admit your true feeling while at the same time hvg the risk of being rejected...

ah, both way hv their own pros and contras but what else can you do?

At the time like this, it best for you to meet your best friend, whom you rejected before and ask for an advice....

I,m sure she can help you more than any of us here...

Anyway, dont afraid of being rejected, instead, take it as an experience....

Ps: personally, i think you should just admit to her, hiding your true feeling will just turn it into a burden that you forever will carry through your entire life....

The worst thing is it might turn into ‘regret’....
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[Harutard]

[forgetwillnot]

like sayoku i don't have an advice,
i don't have a "Get out of bestfriend realm," card either
if i have, i would've used it when it was my turn to
face such difficult relationship..

But be careful bro, getting out
doesn't mean she will now see you as
an interesting guy...

Sometimes it may spell the end..
No contact, no icecreams..
no sharing of the umbrella, no nothing!
So it's basically heaven or hell..

Are you willing to risk losing her?
If yes, then i hope we wont be sharing the same fate -.-"
good luck!
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