to be sorry or not sorry, that is the question

[copywheeluser]

My girlfriend is pretty mellow, and I'm lucky to have her. But I crossed the one line that I shouldn't have and, told her what to do. If I want anything, anything, I have to ask. I mean, she seriously has a problem. Like one time, I told her to put on a jack because it was going to start raining soon, and told me, I can't tell her what to do.
If I ever tell her what to do, her claws come out and it's really scary. The rest of the time she's a cute kitten. I'm not sure what the deal is.

A couple days ago, I made the mistake again. The context was, that she touches a lot of guys, all the time- at parties and stuff. She flirts a lot too. When I tell people I'm her girlfriend, they laugh. A couple days ago, I told her I was tired of her flirting with other guys and told her to stop touching them, and she reacted most unexpectedly and the claws came out again. She's been shunning me ever since.

She is a stubborn creature, and the shunning will never end until I apologize. But, I'm not sure that I do want to apologize. I think she's rediculous and if I told her that, it'd be worse for me. I don't want for us to break up over something this stupid, but I can't bring myself to apologize. What would you do in my situation?

[xenocrisis0153]

Ah, I remember these days. Lemme break it down best I can... I'll start with the easier scenario:

Scenario 2 - touching/flirting: NOT COOL. Doesn't matter how long you've been dating, once you two become "exclusive," exclusive means "only with you." Sorry to say it, but if she doesn't want to give up her flirty ways, it doesn't sound like she's ready for a relationship. Personally, I can handle a lot of quirks, but flirting with other guys is usually a deal-breaker for me. A little bit here and there, maybe with guys she knows and is friends with... okay, that's fine to a point since there's a bond between them. But if she's just going up to any guy and being a little "too personal" with them, that's just disrepect. It's nothing you can really change. I'd just say "okay, it appears as though we both want different things at this time in life and therefore we cannot continue dating" and end it.

If you choose to wait it out (which again, I think will only end up hurting you in the end, or at least heavily taxing your emotional reserves... wait, your name isn't Kevin is it? hahah... I say that cause I have a friend named Kevin who's going through this same thing)... anyway... if you choose to wait it out, solution to scenario 1 is tricky. The whole "you can't tell me what to do" arguement is sooo juvenile. If she's still a teen, okay, sounds like she's exerting her independence, especially if she's going through.... changes... and her family-life is hectic. In those cases, okay, she's blowing off some steam, let her simmer and eventually she'll be fine.

If she's over, I'd say about 18, and she's acting that way... then she's spoiled and selfish. Yeah... those are the two words I'd use, harsh as they are. For someone to lash out against someone who cares for them and to treat them like they're dumb for even mentioning something as obvious as wearing a coat in the rain, it sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. And if you choose to obey Erik Erikson's Lifespan Development Theory (TAKE NOTE OF THAT PEOPLE... everyone in life should be familiar with it... forget Freud's Theory of Psychosexual Development, Erikson all the way, haha), then she's still in the independence phase of life and not ready for the loving phase of life. Again, like I stated earlier, regardless of age, if she's still trying to test her borders with people, then she's not exactly ready to be in an equal 50-50 relationship. Well, I take some of that back, because certainly that's not true in every case, but the immaturity of the main argument is so dumb that I find it hard to believe that she's ready for anything serious and/or long-term.

All in all, she sounds like a girl who is still exploring herself and what else is out there. It's imperative for all people to do this, but as how it comes with the territory of the state she's at in life, it doesn't sound like she's ready to commit to a relationship.

I'll stop talking for now and leave room for responses and/or questions from yourself and others. Hit up Erikson Lifespan Theory on wiki or google in the meantime. ^____^
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GTX: Great Teacher Xeno... my daily blog about teaching in an elementary and middle school in Japan (see right-menu)

[Harutard]

i would laugh too if you say that you are her girlfriend >_<
you are a guy right?

that's it for now...i had to laugh about that, so that i forgot what i wanted to write.... i will edit this post later...
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Afterall, the fate of the world rests on my pitching....the world sure isn't worth much these days.

[xenocrisis0153]

[Ropponmatsu]

I must say that I agree with Xeno. A non-50/50 relationship is not a good relationship, I've been there myself and know the emotional stress it puts on you. If she is not ready to listen to your feelings and (as the person I'm refering to) thinks that she has more rights in the relationship because she is the girl, then she has alot to work on.
To sum it up I'd say, tell her how you feel, about her and the situation, the way she acts etc. If she still thinks you are being rediculous, then I'd suggest that you be the one who ends it.
There is no such thing as "I'll wait for the relationship to get better". It won't happen if left idle.
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[PsiKro]

I think this is something you have to kind of decide for yourself... Are you willing to live a relationship with a person that has this kind of attitude? I assume your fairly serious with her since you want our advice on this...In which case, if you don't think you can live with this kind of behavior for the rest of your life, I think you should stand your ground and make your point...Because everything that you've done was right. What was wrong with caring for her and telling her to wear a jacket? And as for flirting with other guys and stuff...She should realize you have a point there too. It's not like you constantly bring it up, even at the smallest thing, so she doesn't really have a reason to be angry at you...You should be the one who's angry. Take a risk and go for the 50/50 relationship or apologize and risk living a 30/70 relationship. That's just my opinion, just remember to reflect on it and think about it carefully.

[NeL]

hmmm..... how love blinds us when used without logic...

leaver her man, that's it!!!