how to court a girl who doesn't like like you

[mangaddict_reborn]

not so recently I made the mistake of being a little too honest with a friend girl I like (we're both highschool seniors). Though I've successfully put it out there, over all, it has made my ideal situation a little less likely. She wants to remain friends, her life is moving too fast for a boyfriend, etc. Made it very very very clear.

My question is, how do I do the exact opposite of what she has made very very very clear. I suppose over this valentines day, my little... stunt seems to have put her in guard, making everything much more difficult.

Our relationship cannot be if I simply give her space, seeing as how I gave her space for over three months. Maybe it will, like in the tv shows. Dunno. Wha should I do now?

edit- Valentines day is the second time I've made my romantic approach, and the results were not so good. She's a nice person, but given my personality, she's not particularly worried of hurting my feelings.

[xenocrisis0153]

sounds to me like she's just being honest about how not-possible it would be to start a relationship this close to the end of the year. End of senior year is always hectic and starting a new relationship probably isn't a priority for her. And if she's considering moving away for college, any serious relationship is already destined to fail. She probably doesn't want to risk giving up a friendship just for 6 months of romance.

What was this stunt you speak of?
_________________
GTX: Great Teacher Xeno... my daily blog about teaching in an elementary and middle school in Japan (see right-menu)

[Fission2]

intense. but with all honesty, if a girl spelled it out that clearly to you, you're best to leave it well alone. i remember a similar situation when there was this girl that my friend really liked and he kept persisting; it wasn't pleasant, eventually, he was shot down... right in jintama.

i mean she was totally merciless. like words and emotions so far off the deep end that i didn't think was humanly possible.

i was there; girls can be awful scary when it comes down to it. i'd rather get into a fight rather than face the wrath of a pissed off girl.

[phalseprofet]

Just be her friend. Whether she's moving at the end of the year or not, that would be the best way to keep her in your life at all. I find confessions like that always end up funky unless the girl is not sel-confident. Girls love insecurity and self-confidence. Next time, take the girl you like to a scary movie and some means of nourishment (food, coffee, tea, etc.). Make deals on the date like, "I'll pay for tickets if you pay for popcorn" or "I'll get the bill if you get the tip."

I don't know. That usually works for me, anyway. The less commited I am, the more they want me.
_________________
"Listen, when you're hurting someone don't think of the pain that he feels. Only concentrate
on the pleasure of causing him pain. That's the only way to show true compassion for your partner." --Kakihara

[xenocrisis0153]

[Hartofsol]

[phalseprofet]

I've decided that this is my last post on this topic, so it's going to be a long one. Before I start, I should write a disclaimer. I guess I could go back and edit my first post, but I wanted to expand on my original ideas after reading the responses to said post.

DISCLAIMER: The advice in this post is not intended to be insulting or otherwise degrading towards the female gender. I do not think women are gullible, stupid or otherwise lacking in the mental department. The statements herein are not of a sexist tone, but a realist tone. Professionally, I treat women with the utmost respect. Socially, things are different. Genders have roles to play in the game of dating. Unfortunately for idealists, some of these roles require one gender to be dominant and the other to be submissive, though in any healthy relationship alternating roles are shared between the two, depending on circumstance. The following is just one male's perspective from as objective of a standpoint as humanly possible.

The reality of dating is counter to the way men of my generation (20 sum') were taught (mostly by the females of our own generation and the generation before us). Essentially, the dating game is played by two people representative of opposing forces. Recent studies have shown that mentally, people are a mix of the two genders. The idea behind this post is to understand our role as males and how to merge our masculine traits with the feminine traits of our counterparts. Though I admittedly explain things in finite terms, people vary and are, for the most part, unpredictable and infinitely complex. There is no blue-print for the mind and there is no scientific evidence that the following advice works 100% of the time, so there are exceptions to every rule. I've found (through personal experimentation) that adhering as closely as possible to the following phases increases a male's chance of winding up in a relationship, depending on the compatability of the two people concerned.

As a side note: I use the word stoic quite a bit. For those of you who don't know what stoicism is, it's basically a kind of indifference. In the case of dating, individual women respond to varying levels of stoicism. What this means is that you shouldn't sit across the table from your date and stare at them blankly. Interact, but use stoicism as a counterbalance to your internal desire to come out and confess your shrieking and undying love for a person you barely know.

Phase 1: Instinctively, the female ultimately decides who her possible partners will be. It is the female desire to connect with a counterpart which is the driving force behind the cohesion of the two opposites. During the first turn of this phase, it's the male's role to inquire about a possible date, thus initiating the first phase. Showing too much interest usually leads to rejection, because females aren't satisfied if things come too easy.
Any money spent during the second turn of this phase (the first date or outing) should be divided by some margin between the two participants. The most important thing for a male to remember in this phase is to leave the female slightly confused regarding his intentions by the end of the second turn. The male should make the female laugh, scare the female if they're watching a scary movie and the male should compliment and tease the female at the same time, preferably within the same sentences. Obviously, this is the first opportunity for two people to get to know one another, so both people should be as genuine as possible without making things too awkward. Think of this phase as placing an arrow on a bow string. Depending on the confidence of the archer, the initial placement will determine success or failure.

Phase 2: Once the first phase is complete (by now, the first date or outing should have taken place), phase 2 or "the chase" is initiated. While the first phase was finite with 2 turns, the second has no turn limit. The turns in this phase alternate between the male and female playing the role of the chaser.
To start, the male should limit his contact with the female. For example, if the female texts the male with "Hey sexy pants", the male should respond with "'Sup". Most guys I talk to use the 3-day rule (If the male gets no call from the female in three days, he should call her) to reinitiate communication, though there are exceptions. I personally play it by ear depending on how well I percieve the first date to have gone. Despite the apparent detachment of the two people, the chase is the first sign of mutuality. Both people should be involved in the chase, alternating roles when appropriate. At this point, the male should begin peeling back layers of stoicism during moments of intimacy. Think of this process as drawing the bow string taut and waiting for the right moment to release. The farther the string is drawn back, further increased are the chances of a straight path.

Phase 3: Once the chasing has been going on for a while (I've played the chasing game for weeks, months and years, so there's no safe standard for time), there comes a point where two people get together and start talking about further possibilies in the realm of monogamy. Once the first talk has occured, there's no turning back. If the male wishes to repeatedly reinitiate the chase, he's eventually either put into the friend bucket or outright ignored. This fact makes this phase the most unique, since the turns consist of jumping between the desire to commit and the desire to relive thrill of the chase. If the male wishes to push forward, this is the point where persistence is tolerated by the female to a slightly greater degree than before. This phase can be the most confusing for both participants. If the male forces his intent too strongly toward the female, she may begin to perceive him as momma's boy. If the male doesn't persist at all, the female may feel that the male is uninterested. This is where the release happens. Depending on the wind that day and how much the male had to drink the night before, the arrow either hits its target or misses.

That being said, everybody has their own style and sense of humor. These three simple phases can be adapted to just about any style or sensibility. The basic idea with this model is not to have a destiny planned out at the beginning, but use your gut (male intuition) to feel the female out emotionally without the pitfalls of a committed relationship. At the same time, the female can do the same if she wishes. Remember to open up to the female in subtle ways (telling jokes, body language, etc.), but keep your guard up without her realizing it's there.

Of course, there are going to be times where the phases occur out of order. In these cases, the same basic rules apply. Appear interested, yet stoic. Split the bill. Tell jokes. Make it fun for the both of you.

If a relationship is initiated after these phases, maintain your stoicism during everyday occurences but express emotion during times of intimacy (there's a time and place for everything). In public settings like parties, appear to be distant but show her how you feel in subtle ways (i.e. If you see her drink is empty, take her cup and refill it for her). In other public settings, like outings to a theater or an amusement park, hold her hand or wrap your arm around her waist but try to limit the kissy kind of PDA. Most importantly, try to be as patient and understanding as possible. Don't be condescending, but don't be spineless. There's nothing women hate more than to see their men cry and beg. Learn to distance yourself from her when needed. If possible, maintain seperate dwellings and keep your belongings out of hers.

Again, it's all dependent on the individuals. I dated a woman once who was into guys who cry during intimate moments. Most other women I've dated prefer a headstrong male to make decisions and plans, but not intrude in their personal matters (We're not married yet, we can have seperate lives). One thing for sure is that my personal goal with any female I date is to distinguish myself from ideas she has about men based on her past. I show them I'm different than the men of their past, but still a male through and through.

Hopefully something worth learning is hidden in my wall of text.
_________________
"Listen, when you're hurting someone don't think of the pain that he feels. Only concentrate
on the pleasure of causing him pain. That's the only way to show true compassion for your partner." --Kakihara

[mangaddict_reborn]

woah
this is a lot of advice @_@
I'll have to set time aside for tomorrow to read everything

the stunt, I took advice from my vietnamese friend in this site, (guess who) .
the stunt was 15 heart shaped balloons dropped off for her. If was from one of her girlfriends, I suppose it would have been funny, but since it was from me, she was angry because it embarassed her infront of all her friends. Me, I have no problem with simply saying they were from me, I have no shame. She has a great sense of humor mind you, but I think I went to far? Maybe she has to lighten up a little?

[v-boi2002]