Friends are Smucks!

[Post]

pfffft... seems pretty happy to me fission.. bitch woulda cheated on you..

[xenocrisis0153]

[Fission2]

my god xeno that's just heinous. that was almost as bad as the next rant...

ok. i decided not to write it out of the goodness of my own heart because i know that if this post were ever to be translated into japanese, it will start an unstoppable trend of gruesome sadistic visual novels that would culminate into really shitty anime 3 or 4 years from now.

it's time to take one for the team.

in short, i'll fill in a more friendly pg-13 (rated 18+) version next time. or insult someone; whichever works better.

so anyone else got some terrible story to share about their lives? it doesn't even have to be real so long as it features maximum penetration at some point.

batteries must be included.

[Post]

hmmm.... I don't want to share real drama in a place like this, and it's too hard to think up something that hasn't happened to me, or delves into mind altering "how could anyone imagine something like that and get a laugh out of it."

So in short, I'm out... but the two of you are really good...

XD

[xenocrisis0153]

so the other day, I asked my buddy Post to share some drama from his life, and the guy is all whiney and bitching and saying stuff like "hmmm.... I don't want to share real drama in a place like this" and "it's too hard to think up something that hasn't happened to me." Pfft, what a jerkass. Then he thinks he's all awesome by saying he can't think up anything that "delves into mind altering 'how could anyone imagine something like that and get a laugh out of it.'" So yeah, the guy is basically useless. He's been my wingman since May 21, 2007, but then when I really need him to come through for me, the kid bails like a little wussbag.

hahahah ^____^
_________________
GTX: Great Teacher Xeno... my daily blog about teaching in an elementary and middle school in Japan (see right-menu)

[Post]

you know, you started being such an ass since i had your sister...>.<

WE USED TO BE PALS!!!

XD

[xenocrisis0153]

[Post]

He was still pretty good...

and I don't own a credit card, I've been using yours...

Thanks for the trip to Tahiti BTW....

[Fission2]

I tell you, life's not fair. These days, you can't do anything without the Feds jumping you. I mean, literally, one minute, I'm working at my home studio, you know, trying to make ends meet, the next, I'm tackled by the Feds. The Feds. Why? Because apparently, selling amateur film is illegal unless reported as an additional revenue. They thought that I skimped out and didn't pay my due taxes or something. They messed up my house and shit too. Why charge me on tax evasion and fraud and not arrest me on oh I don't know, child molestation? Might as well, I mean it's not like I have rights, right?

It's not like I was trying to evade my taxes either; it's all my damn friend's fault. He said that he'd do my taxes for me if I paid him $200, so I did. BS. He should've told me, or at least warned me that selling stuff under-the-counter was illegal, even when you made it yourself. After all, he was the one that got me into it in the first place.

So a couple years back, I was on his private yacht, complaining about how much my life sucked. Around that time, I just leased this sweet, red, 16-cylinder w/ 120/s baby when one day, my neighbour totally messed the shit up when his house burnt down. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad that his wife and kid died and his dog was in a coma, but come on, my brand new car just got totalled. I'm still paying off that shit man! Geiko totally backed out on me, something like "Oh it got burned down because of your neighbours fire? Gotta take to their insurance first..." And guess what: He didn't have fire insurance. Sure, he was a homeless, lonely bloke, but the worst part was that he was penniless. So my policy covered only 10% of the lease; I still had to find $180,000. Where the hell would I get that kinda cash?

That was when my buddy Dan perks up and says "Need cash? I know just the thing" and led me down to the ship cabin, which surprisingly, was pretty roomy. So we go into the big room on the left and he knocks the door, and we hear the okay from the guys who were in there at the time. Course I didn't know there were guys there before, but there were. Apparently, they were just doing the finishing shoot for some low-budget porno, but that doesn't really matter. I was surprised when I found the 3 most gorgeous, most naked chicks ever, staring me down. So I was like "Wha-" and Dan, smiling, said:

"Sweet eh? Found this gig when I was out in Thailand. Apparently, if you set up a dummy company, then make another one offshore, you can pick up all the chicks you want on the street and stage them for pornos by hiring them as subcontractors, and sell them on the net. No taxes. Totally legit. Been doing it myself for a few years and take a look around - all this (points at the yacht) made possible thanks to a few loopholes."

So I figure, "what the heck?" and gave it a go. So I walked around the slummy part of town, looking for models, and surprisingly, they were really easy to find. Ever since the cops took down the local crime syndicate a few months back, there were a lot of homeless people living on the streets. You know, whores, crooks, kids, everywhere around. All I did was talk to a few of them chums and they signed on immediately.

Wasn't long before shooting began. See, the best thing about shooting sub-contractors is that you don't have to worry about any moral obligations. That's their own damn problem; I don't have to worry about worker rights because the "foreign company" is the one that's supposed to take care of them. Just shift all the blame on the other company. Lied about the age? No problem! False information. Got STD's after shooting? Talk to your "employer".

So a few years pass and everything's going pretty well. I had to get rid of most of the older girls because they were too mature for my audiences. Even so, there was never any real shortage from my supply, if I needed more, I just went around to all the usual spots: schools, orphanages, wherever it's slummy.

Which brings us to today. So here I was, shooting scene 1 with Mali and her twin brother, Ran, where after I administered some light beating and threat of force, Ran FINALLY goes for the grab after some serious sexual tension. Just when Mali's finally shut-up and stopped screaming and he's finally tore off her clothes deranged-like, you know, when it's getting good, the Feds jump me and ruin the shoot. They destroyed my camera too; it's like 8k gone right there. I mean, who's gonna pay for that?

Life's not all bad though, it could have been worse. They could have arrested me on grounds of distributing child pornography, but they didn't, because I was making a sizable contribution to the economy. And I didn't get arrested for child abuse or molestation because I wasn't their guardian and really, I wasn't the one touching Mali. Ran was. I just pointed the camera and offered them Oreo's after shooting.

If there's a lesson to be learnt from this story, it's that you should always pay your taxes. If you do, you can get away with the worst crimes imaginable and not be the wiser. Now if you don't mind, I've got to redo that take all over again, and I'm not sure if I can get Ran back in the mood again. No matter though, I'm sure he'll come around after he sees what Mali's going through with his replacement...