rabid Xeno in japanland fan writes an insane fanfic...

[Craze]

So for those of you who regularly read Xeno's serial blog about life as an elementary school teacher in Japan, you'll probably recognize all these characters, but (besides the ridiculous nicknames that Xeno uses) I tried to make the characters so that other people could understand them. Basically at first this story follows some degree of normalcy for the Xeno world, getting stranger and stranger until it hits the point of complete insanity. This is the start of what probably would be a longer work, but I'm not sure if i'll write any more than this. I just wanted to write something crazy in homage of teh Xeno ^_^

Untitled
By Craze

Chapter 1, My Moe Senses are Tingling

“OHIOGOSAIMASUUUU!!!!!!!!!!�
Xeno opened one eye to glare blearily at his radio alarm clock, blaring some Japanese morning program that he could, at this point, almost understand. With the little energy he could muster he flopped one arm over to press the snooze button, then turned off the arm. What time is it in the US? Would I already be up by now, or are they just going to sleep? He yawned, feeling like his should hear his own jaw creak from the force of it, and sat up. Despite his fatigue, somehow he found a weary smile. Teaching in a Japanese school had to be one of the most interesting experiences of his life, but damn if it never left him with enough time to sleep.
“You should be careful at school today.�
Xeno froze with one foot out of the front door. He’d just finished getting ready and was on his way to school. Usually he didn’t meet anyone on the way out… He looked around. No one was there. “Was that…one of my students?� he murmured aloud, thinking he might’ve recognized the voice but unable to place it. “But how’s that possible? None of them can speak that much English. Unless it’s…no, couldn’t be.� He turned around and looked back into his small apartment. He’d almost thought he’d heard the voice coming from back inside. He chuckled and shook his head, then closed the door behind him. “I really do need to get more sleep.�
Several minutes after he’d left, a lone guardian hopped off the top of a nearby telephone pole and began their routine morning walk.

“Good morning, Xeno-sensei!�
“Morning, A-sensei,� Xeno said as he entered the teachers’ room. Xeno counted on A-sensei and others to translate Japanese to English for him so he could teach his students and function as a part of the teaching staff, though bit-by-bit he learning to speak Japanese on his own. Bit by bit. He went and sat at his chair at the desk across from A-sensei’s and shuffled through some of his papers for a quick look at his past lesson plans. “What’re we doing today?�
“Well, I thought we’d—,� A-sensei began to say, when suddenly everything blurred and A-sensei’s voice was swallowed by a buzzing sound like a mix between angry bees and TV static. Dizzily Xeno imagined that this seemed similar to parts of the anime Bleach when a character with a high reiatsu and exerted spiritual pressure. “—could do one of your usual games to go over some vocabulary,� A-sensei finished, the blur and buzzing vanishing so abruptly that Xeno fell out of his seat. “Xeno-sensei, are you okay?�
“Y-yeah,� Xeno replied as he pulled himself back up to his seat, wondering if he really was. He did a quick mental check; he still felt a little dizzy, though otherwise his body felt normal. “I’m fine. I just…didn’t get enough sleep last night, I guess.�
“You should take better care of your body,� A-sensei said, giving Xeno a paternal pat on the shoulder. “You can’t take care of your students if you don’t take care of yourself.�
“Arigato-gosiamasu,� Xeno said, bowing his head to A-sensei. “But really I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. It’ll take a lot more than a little fatigue to take down Great Teacher Xeno!�
A-sensei and Xeno shared a hearty laugh and proceeded through Xeno’s lesson plans.

“Xeno-sensei, Xeno-sensei, asobo, asobo!�
Five different children pulled on Xeno’s arms and shirt as he entered the schoolyard, clamoring for him to play with them, and the shyer ones hovered not much further back, looking at him expectantly. He’d just finished a few classes with [the N-nensei] and had taken the opportunity to interact with his [N-nensei] students during their outside time.
No rest for Great Teacher Xeno, he thought, sporting a large grin as he was pulled into the field for a game of Frisbee toss. We may not be able to understand all of each other’s words, but Frisbee knows no language barrier.
He’d gotten out into the field and caught/thrown a few passes before he realized a conspicuous absence in the class today. Where is she? he thought, scanning the field for the goddess of cute, the Ball of Cuteness, Cuteness-sama. His eyes met Semi-chan’s across the field and she raised up a closed fist. Distractedly Xeno threw a flat hand, paper, beating her rock across the field in rock, paper, scissors. I guess she’s not here then, he thought, not finding her and realizing she would’ve been among those pulling him out into the field if she were here.
Just then he felt a chill down his spine. He looked around, but everything looked normal; the Frisbee had flown off to a far end of the field so one of the boys was running to get it. He noticed few of the girls on the edge of the field playing some other game with a ball, and they waved at him to come and join them. My moe senses are tingling, he thought, smiling and waving at them to go ahead with their game without him. But he felt the chill again, stronger this time, and suddenly the blur and buzz effect he’d felt this morning returned. No, not the same feeling; something was different this time. Standing out clearly with all the rest of the world around her blurred and buzzing, was Semi-chan.
Without thinking Xeno took a step forward and staggered, unable to keep proper balance with all the noise and distorted landscape. Yet he felt compelled; he staggered another step, and another. He fell down, flat on his face, but he took just a moment to wipe the dirt off his nose and stumble to his feet before continuing. He got closer to Semi-chan and could clearly see the wide grin on her face, too wide, unlike any sort of expression he’d ever seen her make. He felt a stab of fear but couldn’t focus on it; all he could do was keep…moving…forward.
A sudden high pitch squeal directly in front of him stopped him in his tracks, and he threw his hands up over his ears. A flash of color almost blinded him, and then she was there, standing between him and Semi-chan.
Cuteness-sama.
“I thought I told you to be careful today.�
“YOU GET AWAY FROM XENO-SENSEI HE’S MINE!� Semi-chan suddenly screamed, her wide grin slipping into grit teethed rage from one moment to the next.
Cuteness-sama turned to face Semi-chan, leaving Xeno to stare dumbstruck at her back. “You cannot have him for yourself, Semi-chan.�
“You guys speak English?� Xeno blurted, the stupidest and most obvious thing his over-taxed brain could think of at the moment.
“Atto de,� Cuteness-sama said, raising a hand to silence him. “I will explain everything when you are safe. You have broken a grave law, Semi-chan.�
“Your patience is maddening to the rest of us, Ball-san,� Semi-chan said, her deceptively mild voice at odds with the still obvious rage on her face. “I am only doing what everyone else wants to do for themselves. If I didn’t do it then one of the others would just take him first. YOU will take him! I’ve seen the way you try to keep him to yourself!�
“This and that are different issues,� Cuteness-sama said, her voice hardening. “The time has not yet come, and your rash attempt to use him on your own will result in a greater disaster than that which we already face.�
“You are wrong,� Semi-chan spat. She spread her arms out to her sides and closed her eyes. “I will show you the power that even my limited contact with Xeno-sensei has given me!�
“Power?� Xeno said, and at the same time a black dot formed in the air in front of Semi-chan. From it poured a sort of black cloud, blacker than the darkest night and liquidy rather than puffy, though it floated just as well. From it emerged a figure…Xeno’s jaw dropped when one of his problem students, Punk-ass stepped out of the cloud, sporting the cockiest grin imaginable.
“Do you think you’re the only one who can summon a warrior?� Cuteness-sama said as Punk-ass suddenly rushed forward. She raised a hand and a pinprick of light formed in front of her palm. A bright white, wet cloud emerged from the light spot, and suddenly an open hand emerged from the white cloud just in time to catch the raised fist of Punk-ass. One word was yelled as Punk-ass’s fist hit the palm:
“GACHIRI!�
Gachiri-kun emerged from the bright cloud, pushing Punk-ass back. Punk-ass sneered and punched again, but Gachiri-kun blocked the punch on his forearms and yelled, “Gachiri!� He yelled gachiri for a few more blocked strikes before finally flashing his fists at Punk-ass for his own strikes; for those he yelled gachiri REALLY loud.
Xeno stared as the two fought, pushing each other harder and faster than mere elementary students could possibly go. For a moment the reality that Semi-chan and Cuteness-sama were basically kindergarten age girls who’d just summoned two of their male classmates to do battle tried to sink into Xeno’s brain, but the overwhelming insanity of the reality in front of him prevented him from really dwelling on that point. But they were still his students.
“Cuteness-sama,� Xeno said, somehow finding his voice and thanking Haruhi-sama that it didn’t quaver like he thought it would. “Why are Punk-ass and Gachiri-kun fighting? That looks dangerous. They might…hurt each other.�
Cuteness-sama looked back at him and smirked. “Those are not really Gachiri-kun and Punk-ass.� She gestured with her chin. “Watch.�
Gachiri-kun had seemed to take the edge in the battle the moment he started really fighting. Punk-ass’s sneer had dissolved into pained anger and frustration, and he spent less time attacking and more time blocking. Xeno noticed just for a moment that his expression mirrored that of Semi-chan’s before Gachiri-kun’s fist suddenly plowed straight through Punk-ass’s chest and out through his back. He barely had time to start his gasp of horror before Punk-ass’s skin turned gray, then black, then his body simply…dissolved, falling into a grainy pile like a hill of dark sand. And then even sand blew away, simply disappearing into the air around it like it had never been in mere moments.
“What just happened to—� Xeno started to say when the same thing happened to Gachiri-kun, except for the opposite colors, turning white then dissolving into white sand that blew away like it had never been. He stared for a moment before shaking his head. “What just happened to…to the two of them? Why even fight if they’re just going to dissolve?�
“She had to get it out of her system,� Cuteness-sama muttered.
“Damn you Ball-san,� Semi-chan grunted, bracing her hands against her thighs and breathing heavily. “You will just take him for yourself. I know you will.�
Xeno glanced over at Semi-chan, but Cuteness-sama wasn’t looking at her anymore so he talked to her. “Those two…really weren’t Punk-ass and Gachiri-kun?�
“They were just manifestations of power,� Cuteness-sama explained. “It’s easier to use an image of someone that you’re familiar with and also one that your psyche approves of as a fighter. We just happened to choose our male classmates, since they’re people we interact with every day. And who seems more appropriate for fighting to a young girl than her rambunctious, aggressive male classmates?�
“That’s…awfully objective of you, being the young girl yourself,� Xeno said. “And, no offense, but neither of you sound much like little girls right now.�
Cuteness-sama gave him a melancholy smile and nodded. “You’re right, of course. You always seem so smart to her. I can understand why she likes you.�
“Her?�
“Me, of course.�
“Huh?�
“You let your host’s emotions interfere with your judgment,� Semi-chan said.
“Host?� Xeno said, taking a step away from Cuteness-sama.
Cuteness-sama spared Semi-chan an annoyed glance before turning to Xeno with pleading eyes. “Trust me Xeno-sensei, please. Deep down I am the Cuteness-sama you know. But I am also more. It is difficult to explain.�
Xeno squatted down to look her in the eye. She looked the same, the same Japanese schoolgirl, same manifestation of cuteness on earth. He saw maturity in those eyes that wasn’t there usually, but somehow he thought he could also see that same vivacious sparkle. “So explain.�
“I will explain, in due time. For now we must return to the normal because we are causing a disturbance with our continued use of higher space. Just know that we are involved with forces that can determine the fate of this planet and the human race. And you are important to our goals. Oh, and you’ll need to bring Semi-chan to the nurse’s office.�
“What—� Xeno started to say when suddenly the world around them shifted back into focus and the buzzing stopped, “—are you talking about? What fate of the planet? What important goals?�
“Xeno…sensei?� Cuteness-sama said, tilting her head at him and staring up with big, cute eyes. “Are you okay?� she said slowly. “Daijobu?�
She doesn’t understand English? he thought. She was just speaking fluently… Xeno noticed people gathered around Semi-chan, who was laying on the ground, passed out. He spared one last panicked glance at Cuteness-sama, who had no recognition in her eyes about what he’d just said or anything that had just happened, before rushing over to scoop Semi-chan in his arms and run her to the nurses office. What the hell is going on here? He suddenly remembered what Cuteness-sama had told him about being careful, and the voice he’d heard this morning. He’d thought it was hers. What the hell is going on?
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"Eat not the yellow snow"
--Proverb of great wisdom extracted from a
Bazooka Joe wrapper

[JackGrover]

Very nice work. I see you corrected some spelling and broke it up a bit to make reading easier. Now, just a word of advice, most writers use a pen name when they "publish" their work. This helps protect the writer should the material be really, how should I say it, stinky. So you might want to think about using a fake name instead. Something like.. ohhh, maybe Crazy! *LOL* Just kidding. I've been wasting time writing this as I try to think of what anime I've seen these plot points used in and then it came to me... practically every good one out there! So you are in good company. I look forward to reading more about what's really happening in Xeno-sensei's life. Kami-sama knows that he'll never tell us the truth! Trying to keep all his paranormal adventures to himself. Shame on him!
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[img:500:130:4c09194a46]http://www.absolutecollies.com/Manga/ClannadSignature001.jpg[/img:4c09194a46]

[xenocrisis0153]

nice work here. Now I get to the readers' experience of reading about "my" life, hahaha. Feels like I stepped into an episode of Mai-HiME. I love it. Summoning Punk-ass from the sky had me laughing... and pairing him versus GACHIRI-kun only made it better.

If you're open to criticism, a few missed points:
- A-sensei teaches at the JHS, not the ES, but you did capture the moments we share accurately
- O-sensei teaches at the ES, but he doesn't have any say in my lesson planning
- my alarm-clock is my cell-phone, haha, no morning radio, just the static crap I hear on my car radio

aside from those minor issues, everything else was pretty right-on. You've been a loyal follower of my blogs. I hope to see a continuation of this serial. ^___^V