my Original Characters

masamonkey · Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 3:51 am Post subject:

Alright, I took a good look at your story and I think your biggest problems with transitions are:
A. You change theme too drastically sometimes. I see a lot of cuts from one person's face to another without any perspective on where the "camera" went and where these characters are in relation to each other. It gets more confusing when one's dialog cuts into a panel of another's face. This is very good expirimentation and very dramatic once you can get the style right. you just need to do more panels that basically "re-boot" the scene. IE, close-up on Char a's face, close-up Char b's face, pan out shot of characters in relation to each other in the scene with a layout of the background girl in Char b's arms blah, close-up of Char a's eyes, bird flying through the sky, pie baking in window as Char b thinks "..." It all comes together with that focus panel where you see the scene with all three characters are in relation to each other. That one panel sums up the page and what's going on in the other panels, unless of course you want that "suprise panel" that shocks you by going against what the focus panel said...
B. The images and bubbles in a panel should draw your eye to the next panel. There're a lot of pages where at first glance you may not even know if the comic reads right to left or vice versa. You've done some clever work with overlapping panels and images and balloons cutting into other panels, so keep up the good work. When you do your layouts, draw a line of where the eye should follow when it's reading your page and try to point image and dialog to or along that line and it should come naturally.

naruchan · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 74

wow thanks guys !!!

i'll be sure to work on all these different things you gave suggestions to
i've never thought of most of them, so it's great to get good feedback ! thanks =]
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Firetears · Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:05 pm Post subject:

That's some real good work, I'd read your online manga as soon as possible!

VanFinales · Conscript Joined: Mar 19, 2005 Posts: 129

Hey your artwork is not bad! Well at least better than me >.< Anyway, the biggest problem I have about your artwork is the transition between the time, for example, when one of the character was leaving from the desk you just jump the character to the door. So you gotta work on that. Second problem about your manga is the overall the storyline. You story is jumping too much and it doesn't seem to add up. Hence the development of the characters are not well-round and they don't have their own personality. For example, the devlopment of Tsubasa is two dimesional, which the only thing we know is, she is short and short. You must put some time for the chracters to interact, or else they are going to be plain and simple. Overall, your artwork is good, so keep up the good work.

P.S. Plan your story ahead of times so you know what to draw. Happy drawing!

naruchan · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 74

lol.... too true xDDD that's prolly coz my original storyline like DIED. and i picked up on this manga like 2 months later, so i really dont remember was going on. hahah i know im stupid xDDD

thanks =]
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Daku_hazira · newbie! Joined: Apr 18, 2005 Posts: 28

looks great. what catagory is the manga going to be (ex. romance, comedy, etc...)?

naruchan · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 74

hmmm... that's a good question...
i'd categorize it as uhhhhhhh romance+comedy+really badly drawn action scenes

haha
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darknightmare31 · Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:47 pm Post subject:

such a cute pic! i luv how u drew da eyes! here mouth is kinda strange tho.. Confused

CC65 · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Aug 30, 2005 Posts: 50

I like it

yuyue_hirakiseira · Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:35 pm Post subject:

it's nice
i like it
great!!!!!!!
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Forlorn · newbie! Joined: Sep 01, 2005 Posts: 11 Location: Malaysia

It's a good piece of work - I applaud your effort. ^_^

But I have to complain a bit about the hand... it looks a little bit flat.

Can't say why though... I was never very good at this sort of thing...

Cephadeath · Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:53 pm Post subject:

Uh, well, the drawing is exellent, and true to the anime theme. The comic, well, CONTINUE FASTER!!!! I like it alot, gj.
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kenz · newbie! Joined: Sep 02, 2005 Posts: 25

real good
love the manga

yahoo · Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:46 pm Post subject:

I like your work with these drawings but the characters have very abnormal positions
P.S. the heads to small for the body