Random Family Guy quotes!!!!

1ce · Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 4:23 pm Post subject:

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
---Haha, its funny if you get it.

DrivaSix · Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject:

hahah I think everyone would get that one

1ce · Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 12:59 am Post subject:

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

HeyZeus · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:25 am Post subject:

old man-(in his whistly voice)
Wheres the paper boy? i want my good neews.
several answermachine messages later
Damnit your really pissing me off.... caall me.

Joe hanging from ledge being held by lois-

lois is startng to lose grip and cant pull him up.
Joe-Okay. Lois, pretend im one of your children...(sees her pondering)
Joe-NO NO NOT MEG!
lois proceeds to pull him out.
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1ce · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:19 am Post subject:

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You bastard

eniGma_007 · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 01, 2005 Posts: 55

Quagmire: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Maylor's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
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1ce · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:38 pm Post subject:

Peter: Aww things were going so good for me and Stewie, but now he hates me again. Brian what should I do to win him back?
Brian: That depends. Do you want my advice or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter: What's a hypotenuse?

svmah · Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:13 pm Post subject:

*Stewie in an elevator in a hospital*
Surgeons: We need to get this guy to the ER stat!
*Stewie presses all of the buttons*
Stewie: You guys are gonna get sued.

Portosan · Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:22 pm Post subject:

Brian: Uh, Peter according to this you're not a genius. In fact you're mentally retarded.
Peter: Oh yeah? Well would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian: Uh, maybe.
Peter: Oh.

Peter: Don't say retard Chris, we prefer to be called little people.

Schoolsux728 · Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 8:58 pm Post subject:

-Bryan watches TV-
Television: And now back to Facts of Life
Joe: Hey Miss Garet, Can I ask you something.
Miss Garet: What is it, Joe?
Joe: Is it a problem if your penis and vagina touch each other?
Miss Garet: What?!
Joe: well, I try to keep them seperated but the.. I wroke up this morning and they sorta together. I.. I just didn't know.
Miss Garet: You have both?
Joe: Well yea.. Doesn't everybody?
Miss Garet: Nooo~!

sairaug · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Dec 03, 2005 Posts: 55

-Brian sings dressed as a bannana-

It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time

Where he at, where he at, where he at, where he at

There he go, there he go, there he go, there he go

Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly

Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly

Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat

1ce · Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:28 pm Post subject:

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

xxxg-01w · newbie! Joined: Jun 16, 2005 Posts: 43

1ce · Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:22 am Post subject:

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

Cowie · newbie! Joined: Jul 05, 2005 Posts: 29

Fill in the blank show on their television.

Question Guy : He was very forgetful
Audience : How forgetful was he?
Question Guy : He was so forgetful that each time he saw a person he drew a Blank