Random Family Guy quotes!!!!

1ce · Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject:

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."

eniGma_007 · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 01, 2005 Posts: 55

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Louis: Aww, look! Stewie drew a picture for his mommy!
Clevland: Show us the picture.
Stewie: No, no, no nothing to see here. (Lois shows the picture.)
Man 1: Oh, it's a time machine!
Stewie: No, it's a...blast what do kids draw these days? Uh...
Man 2: Why, of course it is! Here's where the flux capacitor goes.
Man 3: Yeah, I can't wait to build one of these myself!
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1ce · Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:08 pm Post subject:

Haha, this is my favourite one from Family Guy. I think I posted it before, but it deserves a re-post.

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

ChiNammer · Conscript Joined: Sep 06, 2005 Posts: 118

So brian makes a $50 bet with stewie and loses this bet. Stewie gives him 24 hours. Brians 24 hours are up and he tries to sneak away from stewie by wearing a fake mustash.

Stewie: Oh good day to you sir..wait a minute
*pushes brian down the stairs*
Stewie: Where's my money?! Huh? Trying to sneak away from me huh? Where's my moneY?! Where's my money?
*stewie continues to beat brian with a bat*
Stewie: where's my money? where's my money?
*stewie shoots brian in both legs*
Brian: I can't beleive you just shot my legs.
Stewie: ...where's my money
Brian: Just give me until the end of the week
Stewie: ...*raises bat*
Brian: Alright, let's goto the bank.

eniGma_007 · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 01, 2005 Posts: 55

Quagmire: Fat chicks need love too...they just have to PAY!

Quagmire: My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did giggittygiggiydoo that girl. I gashmogied her gaflabity with my googus. And I am sorry.

Quagmire on a date with the Bachelorette, in his mother's trailer. A mangy cat whines.
Quagmire's mom: (shouting off-screen): Glenn, would you feed mittens?
Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Quagmires' mom: That's old food!
(cat meows)
Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens shut up!
Quagmire's Mom: Don't you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family.
Quagmire: Mom if you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone.
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Ruffle_Master · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Feb 03, 2006 Posts: 52

Lois: It seems today,
That all you see,
Is violence in movies,
and sex on T.V.

Peter: But where are those good old fashion values....

All: On which we used to rely?!
Lucky theres a family guy!
Lucky theres a man who,
possitively can do,
all the things that make us...

Stewie: Laugh and cry!

All: HES
A
FAM-
ILY
GUUUUUUUYYY!!!!

Ruffle_Master · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Feb 03, 2006 Posts: 52

ahh i like family guy gives me memory

Ruffle_Master · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Feb 03, 2006 Posts: 52

Can't touch me

Ju-ju-ju-ju-just like that bad guy
From Lethal Weapon 2
I've got diplomatic immunity, so Hammer, you can't sue
I can write graffiti, even jaywalk in the street
I can riot, loot, not give a hoot
and touch your sister's teat (can't touch me)
("can't touch me"in the background)
Man: What in God's name is he doing?
[cant touch me]
Cleveland: I believe that's the worm.

Stop! Peter-time!
I'm a big shot, there's no doubt
Light a fire and pee it out
Don't like it, kiss my rump
Just for a minute let's all do the Bump

(Can't touch me)

Yeah do the Peter Griffin bump (can't touch me)

I'm Presidential Peter, interns think I'm hot
Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot
I've been around the world, from Hartford to Back Bay
It's Peter, go Peter, im sir Peter, yo Peter, let's see Regis rap this way
(Can't touch me)

kimio · Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 6:14 pm Post subject:

Peter: "are you a girl?"

Some guy: "No"

Peter: *punch*

Cowie · newbie! Joined: Jul 05, 2005 Posts: 29

Scientist : We have the technology, but not the money.

Peter comes out and is a pile of junk

eniGma_007 · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 01, 2005 Posts: 55

Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

(Chris is sitting in kitchen, moping because he's fat, and Meg walks in.)
Meg: Whoa! Chris have you loot weight? You look wicked skinny! I'm jealous!
Chris: Really? Cause...cause I'm jealous of your mustache!
Meg: I don't have a mustache!!!!!
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IAMJAMIN · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Jul 21, 2005 Posts: 86

Peter: :

n phone:: "Your dead brady your dead"
Tom Brady: "Is this Jay Leno again? Im gonna call the cops"
Peter: "No, this is peter griffin, i challenge you to a game. The london silly nannies versus the patriots in two weeks."
Tom Brady: "Ok your on"

::Leno Calls::

Jay: "Hey brady what kind of suit do you want to be buried in?"

TrueAncestor · Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 5:32 pm Post subject:

Meg : "Mom, Dad, Im a lesbian."

Peter : (Jaw open in silence) "THAT. IS. AWESOME."
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1ce · Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 6:28 pm Post subject:

Cleveland: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
Lois: Oh my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry! I can only imagine what your going through right now.
Cleveland: Its okay.
Brian: It's ok? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland: Better that it's Quagmire than someone who she could get a disease from.
Lois: Cleveland, don't you see this is why your wife left you. You don't have enough passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see a man be a man. You gotta push back a little. (Lois starts shaking.) You gotta get a little rough. OH GOD!!!!!! (Pulls down pants and lois bends over.) Peter HIT ME!
Brian: YEEAHH! (Slaps Lois' butt.)
(Awkward silence.)
Brian: So...yeah...

tuckinator · newbie! Joined: Feb 04, 2006 Posts: 22

Everyone : OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Kool aid dude: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH

lol i just love that part