Claire - 1 vs. 2

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

I drew Claire during school.


Through the opinion of another, I heard that she was "near perfection". I decided to take up the pen and do it over.



Of the three people I asked, two replied that the first was better, and the second had something about it that just made it worse. This is where you come in --- tell me what you see in both pictures, and what is it that I did wrong.

Oh, and comment and criticise if you could (one or both of the pictures, up to you). Thanks for your time.

(Post Scriptum - I know I just posted another topic right below there, but that was seriously a collection of mess-ups done in 10 minutes or less. I thought I'd post something that I actually took some time on, and in this case, it took me 20 minutes.)

[CGY]

Pretty good! The first one, the weapon in herleft hand is a bit off shape, the second one, the face is a bit off...

[NoyPi]

i like the first one much better. Her face and arms is just right where it should be. The second one's arm are a bit unbalanced: the fingers are too long and the other arm is too high. Anyway nice drawing.
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[Hiddencamela]

The pen thickness or dark lines are what catch my attention in the first from the second.

body proportions I figure is up to the artist to decide whats proper for them
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[jiashore]

niCe! i like the first one better though, the second one looks a bit out of proportion. the thighs look as thick as an elephant! but i think the weapon clair is holding in the second pic looks nicer. you should replace the second weapon into the first. add a bit of blood at the tip and her shirt, then perfect!

cheers,

jiashore
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THE FANTASTIC FOUR

I am jiashore, a newbie and enthusiastic photoshop manga editor, and a total luver of suzuka... *__* :p :

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

CGY - Noted.

NoyPi - The first one was more anatomically correct, true. I didn't quite think changing the posture would ruin it in the second picture, though. As for the fingers, she's supposed to have long fingers, so that's not really a problem. Thanks for your observation, though.

hiddencamela - I did the first one in pen, and the second, I did it in pencil, then digitally inked it. That's why the second has less of an outline. As for the body proportions, that is true for one going for the cartoonish style, but that's not the case for many people here. Anime generally (and I mean "generally" very loosely) allows the body from the neck down to be anatomically correct. The face, head, and hair are the things that go crazy.

jiashore - I did the first Claire during class, so I wasn't able to concentrate on the look of the weapons that much (katars). As for the proportions of the second, I suppose it is a bit weird...I don't quite agree on the leg bit, though. Real thighs are not those pencil legs they show some animes. I was going for a bit of realism.

Thanks for your comments, all.

[TerranLive]

the first one seem better, the second one have better weapon though...yet the second one look fatter, so if you can combine them both, you're good to go

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

Gotcha. Thanks for the advice.

[tsukasa13155]

dud the firstoneis the best the other one is to light

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

So people have been telling me. Thanks.

[Aya_Nishino]

Good! Try to fix the hairs it look like not alive, try to soft and make it look more real through the wind, skirt also a little bit probs there. Overall it really nice drawing. Ike Ike d(=^,^=)b

[the_waltz]

first one; second one has a major facelift

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

Shukriya, pajis.

Ehem. Thanks, guys.

[TeH]

The proportions are off in the second one, and are not off in the first one. thats why the first is better.

[Doukutsu-Monogatari]

Hm...noted.

Thanks.