Here's some poems of mine.

Ryuya · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 4:29 pm Post subject: Here's some poems of mine.

--Life and You--
What is life, but something in the breeze.
I think that if you could see it, you would be happy.
Joy is life, but joy won't always stay.
So is life going to just drift away?

In the light that is the sun.
Is there something that will not burn.
If it will, it would not stay.
For life just drifts away.

If I could, I would see you.
But if that happened, I wouldn't know what to do.
If I could see you, you would not stay.
For life just drifts away.

--Heather--
Your name is a type of flower.
I wish it would pour and shower.
You're truly the bomb.
I really love you mom.

I'll write this poem for you.
That is true.
I wish you the best.
Especially, when you read the rest.

You were there for me.
You really cared for me.
Please don't be so sad.
If you are, you'll make me mad.

I hope your MS gets better.
Please don't be under the weather.
I love you a lot.
And that's the plot.

--Tabby--
You're so sweet.
But here's a treat.
The poem I write.
While I'm not in your site.

I wish you like it.
Please don't strike it.
It's written with love.
But there's no dove.

You're real cute.
So give me a hoot.
I love you.
That is true.

>Please tell me what u think bout the poems. I really would appreciate your criticism, be it good or constructive. No copying my poems, they are copywrited.
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If hatred can kill, then love can save us..
If love can kill, then hatred can save us.

don't click this link...

CGY · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:51 pm Post subject:

Not to be mean, but I voted for no.

BurningPheonix · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Sep 06, 2005 Posts: 57

i don't know much about poems but they sounded good. I voted yes

Jsy3k · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:04 pm Post subject:

Good poem, Ryuya. One thing though: try to limit the short form like she's instead of she is. I think the poem will sound much better if you write more of the long form instead of the short form.

So I voted yes.
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Innocent Tranquility

The Smile that defies all thoughts of rationality[/

rag_gurl · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:13 pm Post subject:

i really liked them, they were really thoughtful.

L4mE · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 9:01 pm Post subject:

good but it still can be improved

pyrorecca · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 9:10 pm Post subject:

It doesn't really flow....not very rhythemic

But when it comes to writing poems there are no rules.

This post could be a poem, a poem about writing poems.

This sentence could be a poem, "This sentence is a lie" , about how things break down and collapse upon themselves.

This could be a poem:

Al o ne

So i cant rate your poems cuz i'm not a literature student and i have no head for it either.

(Yeah i know my poems stink no need to tell me!)
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atikiN · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 9:59 pm Post subject:

You do know that poems don;t have to rhyme right?

Jsy3k · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:10 pm Post subject:

atikiN · Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:30 pm Post subject:

sayoku · Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:45 am Post subject:

i like peoms that are 'free styled', dont particularly focus on rhyming or those typical techniques, but more on the choice of words base on the meanings and emotional effects.

when you intentionally focus on the rhymes only, the poem is practically random words put together in lines just for the sake of they sound nice together.
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"Look at me, with my pretty bracelet and tiara... I'm a fuckin' princess!"
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Ryuya · Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 7:25 pm Post subject:

thx for the criticism, im sure it will help me to become a better poet. ill try to not rhyme to much, and yes, i do know that poens dont always have to rhyme, i just like to rhyme sometimes. im going to write some more poems soon. please give me some more criticism ppl.
_________________
If hatred can kill, then love can save us..
If love can kill, then hatred can save us.

don't click this link...

confucius · Heimin (Commoner) Joined: Mar 08, 2005 Posts: 50

I liked them i said yes

sayoku · Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:36 am Post subject:

andra · Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 12:30 pm Post subject:

you're poems are good ^^

actually I'm into poems to, I just haven't thought of posting one in here....maybe later...

Keep up the good work!
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